At the weekend I, along with my mate Tony had the honour of being Best Men at our friend Trev’s wedding to his wife Hannah. To say it has been stressful is an understatement (we’ve been tearing our hair out while the Groom’s been as calm as anything). The Stag appeared to be a success (it was one of the best weekends of my life, with a great circle of friends). One of the most stressful aspects of being a Best Man (in my case at least) was the speech. It was the part Tony and I were dreading the most, both writing and standing up to perform it. Other than a severe case of nerves (to the point where both of us were shaking throughout performing it), it seemed to be received well, and we even got a few laughs. Here it is in all it’s splendour.

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Before we continue, we would like to point out to those who may be feeling the effects of the alcohol already that you are not seeing double and there are actually two best men standing here. For those of you who don’t know us I’m Tony…and I’m Tom and we are both good friends of Trev’s from senior school.

We’ve both been quite nervous in the lead up to this moment, in fact the last time either of us felt this worried we were travelling in Trev’s car and he started to skip through his collection of Drum & Bass anthems, if you can call them that. The problem was we’d both forgotten our ear plugs and Trev was in the mood to sing. Hopefully we won’t be hearing any of that later, but just in case…

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We’d like to say a big thank you to everyone that has made it here today; we know a lot of you have travelled a long way to be here, which just goes to show the lengths some people will go to, to get a free meal.

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It’s our duty, on behalf of the bridesmaids Rachel, Emma and Rachel to thank Trevor for his kind words. We have to say they all look wonderful and have done a brilliant job helping Hannah, who looks amazing we’re sure you’ll agree, to get ready for her special day.

It’s always customary to give the Groom a bit of a roasting with an embarrassing story or two, but with Trev it’s near impossible. While on occasion there has been mayhem going on around him, it always seems the embarrassing stories being played out are to be written into someone else’s best man speech. While chaos reigns around him Trev will be in the background somewhere, happily continuing with whatever he is doing, nothing affecting or fazing him at all.

Trev’s more common traits are on the football pitch, where he has a turning circle that rivals a small ocean-liner, and he has the ability to annoy even the calmest of teammates by shooting from wherever he is on the pitch when he receives the ball. On the golf course he’s been known to make up his own rules and use buggies as off-road rally karts, and on the bowling lane he is only there to win, regardless of the opposition, even if he’s there on a first date and trying to impress a young lady. We think Hannah knows what we’re talking about…

<< TURN TO LOOK AT TREV AND HANNAH >>

Three strikes on your first three goes wasn’t it Trev? Was that before or after Hannah threw a ball into the next lane? And they say chivalry’s dead!

We know some things are frowned upon in a best man’s speech, especially the Groom’s lovelife, but such a history with international models was difficult to leave out. Trev’s first love had many attributes; Italian, petite, fine curves as well as rumoured to have been involved with a Formula 1 legend, to name a few. All good memories of Trev’s first car, his little yellow Fiat Seicento, Michael Schumacher sporting edition.

At this stage of the speech it’s usually tradition for the best man, or in this case men, to impart some words of advice to the Groom, but seeing as though he’s the one getting married and we’re both single, that doesn’t seem quite right somehow. But tradition is tradition, so we thought we’d keep it short and to the point…

<< TURN TO TREV AND IN SAY IN UNISON >>

Don’t mess it up!

In a couple of days’ time Trev and Hannah are off on their honeymoon – a road trip down the East Coast of America. When you think about it, a road trip is a pretty apt way to describe a marriage; there’ll be a few near misses, you’ll do some amazing things and see some amazing sights, but most importantly you’re having the time of your life with the one person you couldn’t imagine doing it without. So if we could ask you all to raise your glasses, we’d like to propose a toast, to Trev and Hannah.